How to Be Clumsy Without Ruining Your Whole House

Renting vs. Owning

I wasn’t super worried about anything in any of our rental apartments over the years. When we moved out, I could patch nail holes in the walls; clean up any spots on the carpet; and give everything a good once-over on my way to the next place. But now that we own our house, I’m feeling all kinds of invested. I rush to solve any little problem as soon as I find it, and I think really hard about where I want a piece of art before a nail comes near my precious walls.

I’ve become hyper aware of what a mess I am, inevitably spilling what I’m drinking or tripping and knocking something off a shelf. So I’ve partnered with STAINMASTER to share tips for keeping your home in one piece—even if you’re as clumsy as I am.

But first, just to give you an idea how clumsy I actually am, lemme tell you about that one time with the cake…

The Time I Dropped a Cake on Somebody’s Head

You would think that between the cats, my calligraphy, gardening, and the many craft projects I have going on at any given moment, my worst mess disaster would have to relate to one of those, right?

Yeah, you’d be wrong.

I mean, I’ve made all those messes—don’t get me wrong. But they haven’t been particularly noteworthy. Not like the cake, anyway.

Sooo I threw Andrei a bday party last night. And I got him this lovely cake. And I literally DROPPED IT ON SOMEONE’S HEAD in my wY downstairs. And then we lit the candles after we scooped it off the carpet. #ourfuturechildrenaretotallyscrewed

A photo posted by Lindsay Ponta / Washington DC (@shrimpsaladcircus) on Oct 4, 2014 at 7:33am PDT

A couple years ago for Andrei’s birthday, we invited some friends over to our very cozy one-bedroom apartment. Space was limited, so one of our friends was sitting at the foot of our stairs. I snuck upstairs to get the cake. You guys know I’m all about the presentation, so I set the cake and its little cardboard base onto my prettiest cake stand.

I lit the candles and started making my way down to the party. We all started singing “happy birthday,” and I made it so close to the foot of the stairs before everything went sideways.

As I went to turn at the bend in the stairs, and the cake didn’t turn with me. Instead, with the cardboard cake base helping it maintain its momentum, it kept going straight, flying off the pretty cake stand and landing quite promptly frosting-side down on our friend’s head.

Naturally I was mortified, and we spent the next little bit of the party trying to wash garishly colored frosting out of her beautiful long hair. She was the sweetest thing on the planet about it and laughed it off, but it’s still my darkest hostess moment 😉 AND my most-liked Instagram photo ever…

How to Klutz-Proof Your House

How to Be Clumsy Without Ruining Your Whole House

1. Drink everything out of a mug. Like, everything. Okay, so I’m kind of kidding, except I’m also kind of not. I don’t actually drink everything  out of a mug. But my stem wine glasses and my pretty drinking glasses haven’t seen any action in quite awhile. I inevitably tip over anything that’s not really, really well balanced and firmly grounded.

2. Stock the right cleaner for the job. Here’s what you need:
   • Lint roller – perfect for pet hair or any spills of things like glitter or loose makeup powder
   • Area rug or carpet cleaner – STAINMASTER’s new carpet care line has versions for area rugs, carpet, high-traffic carpeted areas, and pet stains on carpet. Choose the one that’s right for you. This product line is definitely the way to go, though, because not only will it clean up the immediate mess, but it will also protect your carpet or rug from future stains with an invisible shield that it leaves behind, so you don’t have to sweat the small stuff.
   • All-purpose hard-surface spray – something you can use on wood floors, countertops, windows, and even walls
   • Paper towels and lint-free rags
   • Magic eraser sponge – For anything the sprays can’t remove
3. Stash cleaning supplies in multiple places. If you’re keeping all the goods under the kitchen sink, you’re asking for disaster when you have an epic spill soaking into the carpet on the other side of the house. Throw a roll of paper towels and a couple all-purpose cleaners in at least one other place so you have something close by.